Peri-motivated-divorce?

Well I'm going to be upfront and tell you, my peri-menopausal-peeps, that I disappeared there for a while because I was getting separated from my common-law husband of 7 years.

We have a daughter, so it was extra hard for me to deal with. However the clouds have parted and I made it through to the other side.

I want you to know how much I've appreciated your comments to one of my earlier posts where I questioned the correlation between peri-menopause and divorce. It was very comforting to know that people out there are in agreement.

I'd love to hear from anyone who is going through a divorce or has been through one.

Do you think your peri-menopause contributed to your decision to separate?

Do you feel that peri-menopause changed your outlook on life and made you want to change the way things were going?

Was your husband going through "man-o-pause" and that changed your relationship?

I'll be 40 in 2 months. I am optimistic about starting a new life, but at the same time, I'm exhausted, drained and frankly that optimism is hanging by a thread. There are days when I feel I can take on the world, then others when I feel the world is kicking me when I'm down.

Here are some of the comments people posted before. I think they are worth re-posting. I think the topic is worth more discussion. Don't you?

Until next time.

Yes. I think that we are more impatient than in our twenties and thirties. I miss not laughing as much as I used to. Reminding myself that it is hormones does help.

Yes. We do see more of the crap. I think this is because our partners need to see the changes that are happening to us and the different needs we have. It's frustrating when they don't understand or sometimes fight the changes. I am married to a younger woman who hasn't hit perimenopause yet. She even say's it will never happen to her. She is in complete denial. That puts a strain on the relationship.

I am less patient, but it is because I am more honest. Like to deal with issues and be over it. At 52, I have passed perimenopause...into the real thing now. I like my newfound changes. More confident. More appreciative of life. Fortunately, my husband sees the benefit of my new attitude. The mid-forties were a little hard here and there, probably because I was in a transition mode. Also, I had my last child at 42...too busy to absorb one particular problem for too long. :)

I agree. I think we become more grounded and more self-assured as we get a bit older. If patience is short, it is because we have a better sense of what is really important. I'm not sure how it affects relationships but I think that it makes us less tolerant of politics in the workplace. If only the wisdom kicked in around 30, think what we could achieve!

I think your hypothesis is correct. My wife left everything behind (all her dogs, clothes, family mementos, etc.), and within 6 months after our separation and 2 months after the divorce was remarried to someone she knew for 3 months. As her testosterone increased mine decreased and we exchanged roles: she became masculine and I feminine. She is 46 and I have been observing this change, but did not think it would end our marriage.

At 40 I began to realize that I was not where I wanted to be in life and that I had sacrificed my entire life. I realized that if I wanted something to ocurr in life, it was up to me to make it happen. I was getting too old to sit and wait for it to happen, to deal with stupid people and to keep putting myself on the back burner! It most certainly caused major waves all around me when I started to voice my opionion and strive for what was good for me. Everyone liked it better when I did whatever made everyone else happy. I have made many foes with my new found "me" but that is ok. I am still a kind, loving and giving person...I just don't let people walk all over me anymore! This is the time in life that I am finding out who really loves me for me and who loved me when they were #1! I also think that it is true that husbands keep going the way that they have been the entire marriage and see no reason for things to change so when we want change, it causes chaos and disagreements.